Day 3 FSH

With the second round of IVF, we're going with a new doctor. As such, she wanted to repeat a lot of the testing we've done already. All of our previous tests were normal. So last week I went in for a baseline ultrasound and Day 3 bloodwork. I completely expected everything to be normal (which is weird really since I know I haven't gotten pregnant). But it wasn't normal. My day 3 FSH was 11.4, which is too high. It means that maybe my ovaries are running out of good eggs, so my brain has to work harder to tell the ovaries to make good eggs. The nurse told me that a more important number is what the FSH turns out to be after I take 5 days of clomid. If it goes back down, I guess that's a good thing. But I have to wait almost another week to know.
Yesterday when I got my FSH result, I was pretty upset. It's not anything I can control, and it's not my fault. Maybe I was just born with fewer good eggs than most people, or maybe my body got rid of them faster than it should have. I don't know. But I can't change it now, and it scares me about my chances to ever get pregnant. There's a lot of guilt when you know that it's your body that doesn't work correctly, even if it's not your fault.

In a way I think I shouldn't be upset, because the FSH has been whatever it's been for a long time. The only thing that has changed is my knowledge about it. Ignorance really is bliss. But now I'm much more acutely worried about what the level will be next week, even though I have no control over that either. And in the end, none of these numbers really mean that much if I don't get pregnant. All normal numbers but no children is really very little comfort. I guess for now I'll just keep taking the clomid 100mg every night. More about the craziness of clomid another time.